Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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