i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
