The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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