You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
