so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize