it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
