You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize