I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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