worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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