Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
