Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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