remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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