Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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