You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
