Don't make out with my wife yet
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
