just survived the first fart of the relationship.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
