a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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