evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
