somebody snuck up and got me drunk
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize