Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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