community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize