You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
