i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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