just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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