it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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