i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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