i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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