I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
True but thats because hes a fetus.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
