Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize