Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just found puke in my bra..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
