none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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