Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
