I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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