Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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