Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
