When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When are your genitals available?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
