He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
