Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
