i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
