you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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