is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
