Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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