i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
