I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
