around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
