idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
