Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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