you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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