My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
