party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
