you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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