i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
