but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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