he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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