walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
