she woke up with a sticky ear
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
