i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
