Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
