Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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