just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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