i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
