just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize