Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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