So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
