Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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