he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
