I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
