Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
