i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
