It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
