his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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