A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
