I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
