my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
