very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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