Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
