wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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