i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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