Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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